The One With The Car Discussion

It's 5:12am. The Charlatans are playing You're So Pretty in the background, and I've just watched Jamiroquai's two new videos from their upcoming album and it's looking real good. I've plagued myself with the "what car?" question this past week (Jay Kay does not help me at any point), and I've promised myself to write a rant about the looming problem so that future generations of myself can view this post, shake their heads in disagreement to the tune of "What was I thinking?". So, here goes:

As you know, I've traded in the Lancer GT about half a year ago for a 07' Proton Saga. Yes, a Proton Saga. What brings upon such madness? Why would any sane person do such a thing? I've questioned my sanity multiple times, and let me tell you that it's actually the most practical (surprise, surprise) reasons that get to me. It's all partly down to Proton's annoying deal with Mitsubishi to rebadge the Lancer as the Waja next month or so. (Insert quote from Armageddon here: It's happened before, it'll happen again.) So yeah, Lancer owners will now have sleepless nights that their pride and joy will now not only be worth less than a half a ham sandwich; but in the process of Malaysian-ization it will also be nicked by the Waja owners in their futile attempts of Waja-lutionizing their badly made Malaysian product. So, OK it makes some sense in selling it off before depreciation sets in, besides it wasn't an absolutely lovely car to drive anyways, the CVT is rubbish unless set in manual mode; where it becomes clear that there's one virtual gear too many, and only fun at the limit, which is a shame because while it's got a lovely chassis, when the gearbox is pushed it warns the driver that something very expensive to replace is overheating and you should slow down (imagine a nice girl telling you that in the middle of a heated...); which is fine if you have that remedy of what they call being rich, but not quite; because you then realise that most of the service centres are run by incompetent EON staff. I've got to say that the only redeeming factor about the car was it's rigid body (apparently stiffer than an Evo IX) but it just didn't have the grunt to make it shine through. All in all, it was sold off because it wasn't a serious enough of a machine, and the fact that it's just plain silly to hang on to something that will soon depreciate and then get stolen. So right, why the hell replace it with a Saga then? It's all down to economics. If I were to drive the said Lancer for say 3 years, it'll depreciate at least RM30,000. If I swapped it with the cheapest car I can find, and drive it for the same 3 years, I lose whatever the cheap car costs, and keep the remaining that I would have lost to depreciation plus I gain the cheap car. It all makes sense.

However, making sense is rarely a nice thing. It's neither comfortable, nor quick. Or safe. It feels absolutely on the edge most of the time, and being an extremist of sorts, I do appreciate some of it's qualities; the interior is quite nicely laid out (after the mods) and it's very exciting to drive even at slow speeds (simply because the bodywork is made from metal so thin, and noise insulation is non-existant); but if I'm honest, it is also amazingly cheap to run. So a plus then?

Not quite. It's blessed with an immensely hard ride (why Proton decided that this car needed firmer springs I will never fathom), rubbish to look at (except for the rear three-quarter view; which I still maintain is retro-cool; but I'm very sure nice looking model types will never realise this) and smoke from either the exhaust manifold (or from somewhere mysterious along the pipe) leaks into the cabin on certain days. I find this a pain because it is my A-B (Oh how I loathe A-B cars, but that's a whole different story for a different post) daily driver, this. It's even more of a pain simply because I've been driving all these lovely supercars of late. One day in a DBS, and the next in horrible horribledom. I'm not complaining about the supercars (please, keep em' coming) but something's got to be done about the Saga. But what?

The way i see it, I've either got the option of fixing it (the uber annoying bits), or; like my mind suggests: change it. Sure, while fixing it's bad points might make it more comfortable and livable, it will not, without a doubt, make it look any prettier, or garner much respect in any form whatsoever; unless I put a tractor arm in the boot or something (Ha! I was serious about that, Chen. Always serious.). So it's a change then? Some fresh air?

Not really. If it's a question of getting the GTT I've been harping about in the last post, then I'm sorry but I don't think my lack of career allows me to maintain it. Same goes with the almost-10k-a-year maintainence of the 350Z. That just about scraps most big engined, rear wheel drives off the list. What if they cost much less? What? A GTO? It looks a bit dated, and to be honest, I can't really pretend that the gearbox won't crumble in short intervals. Rotary engines are not even an option due to their imminent problems, so that rules out any RX-7 and the bargain bin RX-8. Something newer then? An Impreza Ver. 7 or 8? An Evo VIII? Impressive performance but... Nah. I'm not into the whole 4-door saloon thing. Let me explain: I'm against the whole practicality thing. It's the same reason I shoved two huge buckets into the Saga (Trust me, I would remove the rear seats in a heartbeat if I had the option to). I never understood the whole need to buy a practical car. Do you carry full luggage every single day? Do you really need to carry more than one passenger at a time? If your svelte girlfriend needs to carry more than a miniature handbag out to that function that you're attending, you've got the wrong girl anyways. Do you really need more legitimate reasons to help your friends move house? That's what I thought. As far as I'm concerned, practicality robs a person of two things: performance (from weight) and pointless additional cost (from carrying idiots in the rear who again rob you of more performance (The rear seats are heavy enough, you now want to carry people on them too?), fuel economy and most importantly; style (4 door cars look rubbish next to coupes)) Now i'm sure there are some exceptions to my anti 4-door rule. In my book, there are four exceptions: they're called The Flying Spur, Quattroporte, Panamera and Rapide. That's simply because that while they do have four doors, that does not make them any more practical than the next sports coupe (or less mad for that matter). And unless I decide to have a family, I wouldn't be exempted from my own ruling to buy anything close to a Cayenne Turbo, which I do respect immensely. Incidentally, it's my ideal car for the school run. It's called a run for a reason, yea? So what else is there? Something classic like an old 911 or 1980's 3-series coupe doesn't make financial sense; and parts will be hard to find, especially after next year's governmental ruling on half-cuts. Older S-Classes are more expensive to maintain than a GTT, and would probably break down twice, no three times as often. So what then? I've thought hard and long, and there's no real answer because everything is a compromise for something.

"And on that bombshell..."